Monkey Business

Earlier this month Animal Planet debuted a new series called Fatal Attractions. The topic of the show? Stupid people who think wild animals are pets. Not squirrels and raccoons. Lions. And Tigers. And too avoid any further cliches, bat shit crazy chimpanzees that leave you without a face.(That link is probably a little graphic.) Read more for my review of the show, and the stupidity of the individuals involved.


When I first saw commercials for this show, I knew that it was going to be good. There was no way that I was going to pass up this opportunity to see people doing stupid stuff with dangerous animals. (Animal Planet should have named this show Bad Judgement Hour.) I don't mean to make fun or belittle the suffering of these people, I'm writing to point out their ridiculous stupidity.

The first episode was about reptiles. The second episode was about Big Cats, and the third and most recent episode so far was about Chimpanzees. I only watched part of the reptile episode because it was kind of boring, but there was a man who had an obsession with lizards. And he had a good nine or 10 of them roaming his house. One day he stopped coming to work, and this is how they found him:


(Drawn by Da Vinci himself.)

The lizards ate his face off. And I'm not shocked. You had to see it coming. Everyone talking about you on the show did, anyway. Maybe they're just really in tune with the obvious. Or maybe they all called Cleo.

Then there was the southern bell from loony Looziana. This gentle spirit was attacked by her black jaguar, which grabbed her by the scalp.



When the police showed up to her house and shot the jaguar, it let her go. And when it let her go, her scalp was hanging over her face. And her exact words were "Oh, how embarrassing." That's where I lost it. I laughed so hard I can't even describe it.

I honestly don't see what it is that makes these people want deadly animals as pets. Especially when all their friends are smart enough to warn them of the dangers. If anything, I feel bad for the animals that have to die because they do what they live to do, hunt & kill. Overall I would give the show 4/4 stars. It's great, and I love hearing these incredibly ridiculous stories.

Fatal Attractions airs Sundays at 9pm Eastern and Pacific.