No turkey unless it's a club sandwich: Sweet Little Nothings from Tiger Woods

Tiger woods should write a book. And that would be the perfect title. The hoe Tiger was messing around with put his text's online. Here they are, in their repulsive glory. (Featuring commentary by both Lucas & Quinn)


*(These are just some of the text messages)

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/28/2009:
I want to be deep inside you

Tiger:Sent: 03:30 PM 08/29/2009:
Me to. I would wear you out

Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009:
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own

Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:
Where do you want to be bitten

Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine

Tiger:Sent: 12:35 PM 09/07/2009:
You just make sure you take care of me when you get here


Tiger:Sent: 07:12 PM 09/07/2009:
No turkey unless it's a club sandwich



Quinn: Yeah. That was the face I made about 19 messages into this mess. Not that the first 18 messages didn't shock me because they did. Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. Smh. You know if he's anything like Chris Brown and no one wants anything to do with him after his return to the golf world, he could always be a porn star. Or phone actor, or write/direct/produce adult films. I want to see the inbox messages because you know she was like, "This is your kitty Tiger, yeah, of course I've done it all you silly goose, haven't you seen my movies?" But I digress...

The way he was talking to this female! I really hope she had it in her head that she was the sideline hoe cause clearly that's the way he was talking to her. Talking about slapping her around and biting and pulling hair and shoving golf clubs up...oh...that wasn't in there? My bad. I love how he tries to be careful though. You can tell he was more devoted to keeping this a secret than making sure everything was spelled correctly. And the end where he was worried about how they might have gotten caught. Hilarious. Oh Tiger, you crack me up.



Lucas: I'll just let Judge Judy handle this because I'm at a loss for words. I never imagined Tiger Woods to be like this. But then again Tiger Woods rarely crosses my mind as Golf is boring and stupid. I have nothing more to say.