Monkey Business

Earlier this month Animal Planet debuted a new series called Fatal Attractions. The topic of the show? Stupid people who think wild animals are pets. Not squirrels and raccoons. Lions. And Tigers. And too avoid any further cliches, bat shit crazy chimpanzees that leave you without a face.(That link is probably a little graphic.) Read more for my review of the show, and the stupidity of the individuals involved.


When I first saw commercials for this show, I knew that it was going to be good. There was no way that I was going to pass up this opportunity to see people doing stupid stuff with dangerous animals. (Animal Planet should have named this show Bad Judgement Hour.) I don't mean to make fun or belittle the suffering of these people, I'm writing to point out their ridiculous stupidity.

The first episode was about reptiles. The second episode was about Big Cats, and the third and most recent episode so far was about Chimpanzees. I only watched part of the reptile episode because it was kind of boring, but there was a man who had an obsession with lizards. And he had a good nine or 10 of them roaming his house. One day he stopped coming to work, and this is how they found him:


(Drawn by Da Vinci himself.)

The lizards ate his face off. And I'm not shocked. You had to see it coming. Everyone talking about you on the show did, anyway. Maybe they're just really in tune with the obvious. Or maybe they all called Cleo.

Then there was the southern bell from loony Looziana. This gentle spirit was attacked by her black jaguar, which grabbed her by the scalp.



When the police showed up to her house and shot the jaguar, it let her go. And when it let her go, her scalp was hanging over her face. And her exact words were "Oh, how embarrassing." That's where I lost it. I laughed so hard I can't even describe it.

I honestly don't see what it is that makes these people want deadly animals as pets. Especially when all their friends are smart enough to warn them of the dangers. If anything, I feel bad for the animals that have to die because they do what they live to do, hunt & kill. Overall I would give the show 4/4 stars. It's great, and I love hearing these incredibly ridiculous stories.

Fatal Attractions airs Sundays at 9pm Eastern and Pacific.

Massive Minaj Attack

Nicki Minaj's first official single Massive Attack featuring Sean Garrett has leaked. Head over to Good Fella Radio for more.

I was right

It's about sex. In my opinion, the song is dumb. But it's probably going to end up a huge radio hit or something. You can listen to it here on Christina's website.

Edit: As a follow up to last weeks post there was no confetti blasting from my speakers. And time did not slow down. You are now a stranger bitch, Mrs. Aguilera.

This Can't Be Life

Like, I don't get it. The whole Justin Bieber thing. I guess because I've gone through puberty and know good music.

Yeah I'm pretty sure that has something to do with it.

I log onto Youtube to see if there's any new videos from my subscriptions. No, but I see one of the featured videos. A three year old crying over none other than Justin Bieber. Like boo hoo-ing like she just got hit with a truck. She said because she "didn't get to see him today" and she wants him to be "one of the family".

At the end of the video I decided though that it was fake and was even more convinced that it might be fake when I saw the link to another video where the family got to meet Booger Bieber because he saw it.

I have to go. I must find a toddler to pretend to be mine and cry because she hasn't seen Kid Cudi today.

SMH...oh no...

Dear Usher,

I hope that this isn't for publicity, you know, with the CD coming out tomorrow and all. This would make everyone want to download it for free, I'm just saying.

Sincerely,
The writers at FPC

This Week In Music...

Just wanted to check in and let you all know what I'm interested in purchasing this week that way you know that you might (or might not, but I still love you) see a review for it in the future.

Now I have to bat my eyelashes at my BF and throw hints at him that I need an iTunes giftcard, lol. More after the jump!

• Alvin and the Chimpmunks: The Squeakquel: I wanted to see this when it came out in theatres but never got around to it. I enjoyed the first movie (don't judge me) and heard through the grapevine that this one was cute too. Plus I want to see the Chimpettes sing "Single Ladies".
• New Amerykah Pt. 2: Return of the Ankh: The only Erykah Badu I currently own is Baduizm and that's a shame cause I love her. I was just watching Dave Chappelle's Block Party last night and it reminded me that this CD was coming out. I like the single she has out now "Window Seat" and knew I had to get this when she on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
• Raymond v. Raymond: When I heard "Papers" I said "No Usher, try again." Then I heard "Hey Daddy" then "There Goes My Baby" then "Lil Freak" and decided I would give this one a try. His sixth studio album and critics are giving it good ratings so far, I'm looking forward to giving this one a listen.
  

Its the GaGa Way or the Highway

I guess everyone has been spending there past two and a half weeks coming up with their ideas for parodies of Lady GaGa's "Telephone" video because I'm starting to see a lot of them pop up. I know I've seen more than two of them but it's only two of them that I remember watching. The dude's version and the one featured here in this post. The dude's version was ok. It didn't exactly have me slapping me knee. Probably just made me smile a few times.


Then there's the version from Barely Digital, which made me laugh but still not knee slapping. Check it out after the jump.


This one features some look-a-likes playing GaGa and Honey B and for those of you who didn't really get the concept of the video at first *raises hand* you might like this one. In it, GaGa is explaining to Beyonce what she wants in her video and it doesn't sit well with Bey. But I don't think GaGa is gonna give her a choice...